Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
