i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
