If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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