It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
