he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
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I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
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I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"