their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that