OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.