you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.