i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Randomize
