Texts From Last Night

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  (214): View more from Texas

  Big sunglasses are the new paper bag

  (817): View more from Texas

  ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex

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  (214): Big sunglasses are the new paper bag (817): ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex http://tfl.nu/2sef
  Replies (38) Good night (3094) Bad night (812)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something

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  (727): but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something http://tfl.nu/beva
  Replies (14) Good night (866) Bad night (2409)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.

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  (509): The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's. http://tfl.nu/3lzb
  Replies (16) Good night (800) Bad night (4736)
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat

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  (270): Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat http://tfl.nu/vugk
  Replies (8) Good night (3560) Bad night (1043)
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  (906): View more from Michigan

  Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking

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  (906): Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking http://tfl.nu/4jao
  Replies (5) Good night (1069) Bad night (2806)
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  (510): View more from California

  I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.

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  (510): I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass. http://tfl.nu/spz3
  Replies (24) Good night (6770) Bad night (1542)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Drunk you is pretty stunner.

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  (651): Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me" (612): Drunk you is pretty stunner. http://tfl.nu/hyj5
  Replies (9) Good night (4279) Bad night (947)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.

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  (517): Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying. http://tfl.nu/uj2j
  Replies (3) Good night (2157) Bad night (834)
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  (818): View more from California

  Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.

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  (818): Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell. http://tfl.nu/vgl2
  Replies (22) Good night (2439) Bad night (1187)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.

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  (217): We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater. http://tfl.nu/r45m
  Replies (4) Good night (1684) Bad night (677)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble

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  (301): And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble http://tfl.nu/0x8g
  Replies (7) Good night (2397) Bad night (592)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.

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  (612): I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise. http://tfl.nu/awbv
  Replies (4) Good night (1446) Bad night (484)
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  (518): View more from New York

  Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair

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  (518): Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair http://tfl.nu/llhv
  Replies (1) Good night (442) Bad night (898)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"

  (678): View more from Georgia

  Is this an intervention?

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  (770): You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina" (678): Is this an intervention? http://tfl.nu/de9f
  Replies (3) Good night (1035) Bad night (443)
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  See! Theres potential!

  (1-417): View more from Missouri

  Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.

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  (417): See! Theres potential! (1-417): Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome. http://tfl.nu/li8b
  Replies (9) Good night (755) Bad night (310)

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