I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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