I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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