I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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