Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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