careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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