Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
