the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
handjob tips. give me some.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
