Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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