Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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