Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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