I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
The beer is more important than you right now.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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