They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
