Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
