dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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