i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
What a dumb baby whore.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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