I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
