Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
