I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
