I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
