when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
a search helicopter?!
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
