let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
