party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
