so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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