pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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