Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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