You're my little dorito
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
