No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
