Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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