9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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