i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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