Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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