Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
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