It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
