She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
