And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
