Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
