he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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