i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Randomize
