i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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