Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
