she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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