Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
