Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
