My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
