We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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