theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
