She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
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