Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
