He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Randomize
