so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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