I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
