No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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