She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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