I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
