my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Randomize
