True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
