I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
