I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
