Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
