everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
