I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
