Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
